The C.M.A.* Index

*campus mental atmosphere

Mr. Belk wants his money back

The Davidson wildcat now holds the record for losing the Largest Wildcat Sculpture title the fastest: Brendan Wittstruck made a bigger one in Cort Savage's Basic Sculpture class. This model improves upon its predecessor with foam rubber teeth and claws and a big hunk of well-endowed anatomical correctness. Like its mascot brotha, the Index perks.

Flick her ball and you die

As the events of September 23 have shown us, Flickerball games and their intense competitive spirit have the capacity to spin wildly out of control. Today it's the lives of thirty innocent goldfish. Tomorrow can we expect red snappers and loveable manatees? The Index grimly smokes a cigarette on the sidelines.

Lifestyle Lovin'

Thanks to the Lifestyles committee, Monday night was spent devoting brain power to new coinage for homosexual relationships: among the most articulate were "vaginatarian" and "bum chum." The Index applauds such open dialogue about sexuality, but it hopes for the sake of heterosexual women that Davidson lesbians aren't the only vaginatarians around.

The goalpost screensaver

The Index thought it was just flashing back to its Bacchanalian days of yore, but it turns out that everybody can see that stupid hypnotic spiral on the Belk Arena scoreboard every night. If you experience headaches, nausea, or improbable compliance with behavioral norms, everything is going according to plan.

Martha Stewart, watch out

Cheers to Commons and its Serving/Entertaining instruction series. Too often Davidson students put no more effort into entertaining guests than buying extra Solo cups. Napkins shaped like swans are just the classy touch the Index has been after for its next soiree.

Interpretive elections

Students have reported that some avid homecoming voters loved their ballot-marking experience so much that they repeated it a few extra times. Such enthusiasm for the democratic process is no doubt admirable, but perhaps it could have been better exercised by a more Protestant restraint. The Index droops, but it rises again due to skewed encouragement from its constituent body.

[The C.M.A. Index is meant to be thought-provoking, informative, and wholly subjective.]